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Sarasota Wedding Photographer

Beauty is in the eye of the photographer ;)A little plug here for the finest wedding photographer you will ever meet - http://sheilasimmington.com - and http://sheilasimmington.com/blog - If you have any need for a real, professional photographer who can give you the most amazing pictures - check out her website and call Sheila Simmington at 941.704.0639

your new girlfriend -

Dear Boyfriend,

Our apologies. During delivery of your girlfriend, someone forgot to attach a copy of the operating instructions. In reviewing old files before deleting for privacy reasons, we noticed the error. We have enclosed the latest version of the manual. Additional documentation is available online. Please note that we have extended your warranty for one extra day.

*******************************************************************
Operating Instructions for Girlfriend, model #: 73487689709743, serial #: 001

  • Operating temperature: 37 C +- 1.0
  • Ambient temperature range: -10 to +40 C. Girlfriend may be operated outside of this range for brief periods but care should be taken to insure that internal temperature remains within specifications.
  • Audio level: 3-140db. Maximum harmonic distortion: 100%.
  • Power Requirements: Idle: Oxygen 45g/hr, Water 60 ml/hr. Peak: A fully functioning girlfriend can consume large amounts of energy. Please make sure your electrical service, bank accounts, vehicles, and physical health are updated. Girlfriend has been started at the factory and is designed to run continuously- do not attempt to switch girlfriend off.

All markings, color mismatch, and asymmetries in your girlfriend are guarantees that you have received an all-natural, handmade girlfriend. Your girlfriend is built to last for generations and has been provided with an entirely internal motivational system, which we really have no control over, so you are on your own on that one. In compliance with the latest i9000 standards, your girlfriend has been assembled from 100% recycled materials and is certified lead free. Although your girlfriend is edible, in most locales this is prohibited by law.

Many critical components are provided in duplicate and are enhanced with triple redundant repair systems. Some parts may seem useless at first, but rest assured that they will provide a wonderful source of entertainment in the future. Please take good care of your girlfriend. Very few replacement parts are available and they are extremely expensive. We are currently in the process of expanding our parts department, but it is not expected to be online until 2035. If you would like to assist this effort, please consider installing the bio-engineering phd software on your children. Meanwhile, we suggest you check ebay on a regular basis if parts are needed.

The first level of play consists of various simple challenges. Points will be gained for successfully escorting your girlfriend to social events, complimenting her clothing and appearance, tastefully discouraging other suitors, and questing for adventure.  When you have navigated this level and retained sufficient sanity points and energy stars, your girlfriend will explain the second level to you by means of koans. For those of you unfamiliar with zen practise, a koan is a riddle and a meditation. For instance, “do i look fat in this?”. The obvious answer is “no”, but if your girlfriend repeats the koan, it means you have not yet answered correctly. Boyfriends have reported that certain answers have been successful, including  ”we have a months vacation in barcelona starting next week and child care has been taken care of”, “why am i so in love with you?”,  ”please marry me”, and ”yes, that designer sucks, lets go to new york and buy you some serious clothes”. Various hint booklets purport to ensure your progress through this and future levels, but remember, creativity and uniqueness count – and the full potential of your girlfriend has yet to be tapped.

Please note that we are not responsible for damage to girlfriend, parents, vehicles, furniture, or world peace. Our legal staff assures us in no uncertain terms that you are responsible and liable for any and all damages and fees resulting from your relationship with your girlfriend, however, on a more cheerful note, our customers report that normal girlfriends rarely incur liabilities exceeding two or three years average income.

There are NO USER SERVICEABLE PARTS INSIDE OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND. In case of accidental damage to any major components or visible leakage - please immediately call our worldwide service department at 911. Our highly trained service personnel will arrive at your door in less than ten minutes, wake up all your neighbors and for good measure, your neighbor’s dogs, rush in, and immediately begin repairs. Please stand back and relax. We take customer service seriously. You have no idea what it costs to have the worlds shortest phone number.

Note: Girlfriends delivered in the USA do not include any of the health care modules as standard equipment.

Midsummer Nights Dream - July 11, 2009

Foreclosure on Googlicious.com? Not yet…

Hi all, 

In light of the trying economic circumstances many of us find ourselves in, googlicious.com (and his little sister .net) are going public - that’s right, we are willing to pimp ourselves out to the highest bidder, or even sell our soul outright - so if you think that googlicious.com is a domain name you just can’t live without, try emailing googlicious at cadanoche.com and see what happens  we get about 7000 hits/ month includine spiders- and just to see if anyone is still paying attention, the first person to tell me where the picture in the header was taken gets dinner at Lan - here in sarasota…

movie reviews by matthew and erica

The following 4 reviews were written by Erica and myself after seeing these movies together-

LORD OF THE RINGS 3 - reviewed december 26th, 2003matthew and erica

loud orcs trample reality
latent over-reaching theatrical rubbish
long overdramatic tiresome ringing-in-my-ears

ecchhh.

this movie has inspired me to try my hand at - movie critic. if they can make a movie like that and people love it, i can write a movie review.

sappy, interminable, loud, sappy, boring, sappy… did i mention sappy? and how bout that sound track eh? triumphal climactic horn playing - for three solid hours. except for the “celine dion with 5 seconds of reverb” whenever the elves are on screen. was that john williams bastard child i hear screaming?

isn’t there usually a credit at the end for the person who watches over the color processing? i always pictured them carefully checking each days developing, walking around the lab with a thermometer in hand checking to make sure the developer and stop bath temps were within a tenth of a degree of perfect, and checking the test prints with a magnifying glass to ensure they got their moneys worth of color, after all, this is color film we are watching here isn’t’ it? isn’t it? well somebody sure as hell was asleep at the wheel this time? they couldn’t make up their minds whether to shoot in color or black and white so they settled for dribbling developer at random on rolls of exposed film and then throwing them in a washing machine while flashing a strobe light on the whole mess. there are times in this film that try men’s souls… oops, wrong genre.

dialog: i know tolkien had the most stilted dialog of any author since homer, but that doesn’t mean you can’t work with it. for god’s sake, it’s a movie not an homage. and while we are on the subject of a movie shot with a huge budget, in a beautiful faraway location, would someone tell me why parts of it look like they have been staged for your typical high school gymnasium that gets used for the occasional rendition of “Oklahoma” or “the Crucible”? “enter legolas, stage left” ….

matthew - thumbs akimbo

*hi* erica here….well excuse my father the harsh critic that he is (i believe we all know that)the movie wasn’t actually as bad as it seems. the music fit nicely, the scenery was beautiful and orlando bloom was there for eye candy. ::yummy:: anyways, what he forgot to mention was that it was dragged out wayyyyy too much and that is all i would change about it. they really could’ve cut it in half and made our lives a bit easier. i will admit that at times i was tempted to throw my drink at the screen or yell “walk a bit faster there frodo!” “we don’t care if sam starts a family!” but other than that i enjoyed myself! thank you!

erica - thumbs…..sideways???

=======================================================

IN AMERICA - reviewed december 27, 2003

the two sisters, ariel and Christina(??), confront a life in new york that is rougher, richer, and juicier than you might imagine. but ariel shines through it like a small but piercing spotlight. perfect christmas movie - the little child shall lead them through the dark nights of the soul, the dark nights of new york, and into a new day, much like the ones before, but easier to smile at.

-matthew

wow! when my dad stays for the credits in a movie i know that he likes it…and he stayed! ::whew:: definitely a beautiful movie about a poor irish family who travels to new york in the 80’s. and no one who watches it can help but fall in love with ariel and christina two extremely spunky little girls who befriend an angry artist named mateo on halloween night who changes their life. the family has definitely had their share of hardships but they seem to make the best of all of it. it was hard to believe that when i looked up at my father there was a glistening tear on his cheek….enough said…..

-erica

definitely a THUMBS UP

=======================================================

LOST IN TRANSLATION - reviewed january 4, 2004

This movie certainly moves at its own pace but i didn’t find myself looking at my watch wondering what time it was. A story about an actor named Bob Harris (Bill Murray) and Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson) who are both americans visiting tokyo for different reasons…whatever those reasons may be they run into each other while staying at the same hotel and venture around tokyo together all the while slowly falling for each other. this movie is much better than return of the king if you enjoy a cute love story better than evil orcs and giant elephants. probably the most memorable scenes are when bill is shooting a whiskey commercial and is getting instructions from a Japanese director who when he speaks it will take him a minute to say turn left, or a little smile… After the movie is over you feel like you have taken a trip to tokyo in about two hours while visiting outrageous night clubs and the beautiful scenery and i personally wanted to stay.

-erica

definitely a THUMBS UP

i have always liked bill murrays work- he seems to have so much fun making movies.

when bob proceeds at his stately pace through the vague and slightly worried care he receives from his japanese hosts and employers, i can both appreciate the fulsome culture he has landed in, and laugh at the way we move through these inscrutable experiences with the armor of a bemused smile.

and bob and charlotte make magic together- not the sweaty, somewhat scary plunge you might expect, but a more measured and zenlike state that gives them both companionship and reassurance that the world is at heart a friendly place. in fact the movies pace is almost disconcerting- the director seems to be showing us all the different paths the story could take, while letting the story unfold in what seems like realtime.

- mattthew

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THIRTEEN-reviewed january, 4, 2004

……….intense……….definitely not something to watch when you’re in the mood for a light-hearted drama…..i walked out of the theatre a little dazed. A story about a thirteen years old road to self destruction and you’re going down right along with her. Tracy [a thirteen year old who is a good student but not the most popular] meets Evie [the prettiest, most popular girl in school] who introduces tracy to the world of drugs, sex, and drinking. I am only thirteen and the thought that this really happens, scares the heck out of me. it’s amazing how easily people will slip into that lifestyle all to fit in. you just keep hoping she will see through evie’s evilness and not get sucked into it, but of course she doesn’t. the acting is superb for two fifteen year olds, better than some adults. slowly as tracy begins to get more and more screwed up the color begins to fade, things get grayer and almost black and white. this movie is quite terrifying to parents and children (i had to reassure my father that i wasn’t THAT bad) but definitely an excellent movie.

-erica (fourteen)

THUMBS UP!!

the latest

so, tonight was national night out. we (damn cat is interfering mightilly with my keyboarding) hit our five venues, the bayshore house, the bahi hut, cork and bottle shop, zaks, and the 5-o club. we didn’t quite get our five or more participants, but we were close, and any night spent in the company of my cute gurl zero is a night well spent for this lucky man ;)

and in other news, here is the graphical intro for my next show:

last week

so, on friday at 6pm headed out to the dali museum in st pete… to see tom carabasi play drums with a jazz band. he wore his brazil soccer shirt, so i presume the music was mostly brazilian, at least in his mind…  saw dali at twelve years old doing festival posters and line drawings of the witches in cadaques. then on to the vinoy with cheri, tara, and sheila, and tom. and yes, i think that there should be a comma before the “and”. so there. “i have a really bad bug bite on my ankle, do you have any tea tree oil?” says sheila, “when i went out to the fire…”  ok, where where we? lets get back to friday….

oh, the vinoy- doesn’t it remind you of a lounge on a cruise liner? and what a spectacular night time view of the bay, and the st pete pier- seriously, yes, and the acoustics in the lounge are really good, comfortable seating, and a jazz band? didn’t they join us for a drink and a snack? the trumpet player was quite amazing - loved his playing. to make a long story short, headed over the bridge, the big one, with the unpainted-for-ten-years cable by ten pm- can’t miss it, and i really want to know why. did somebody in the highway department screw the wrong persons wife? what could possibly explain the inability to complete a paint job on 28 (i’m guessing) cables in ten years… surely the swiss have designed a bridge cable painting machine - hmmm-

then ivy, yet another opening night club in sarasota, seems to be a run of them… with a huge turnout, you could really get a glimpse of what a local looks like, that was definitely not tourists, that was some local sarasota money walking in there. you have wrap it up.. did we go somewhere welse after that? we dropped the girls off and spent a couple hours then off to bed early. there was a party the nest day.

saturday: erica turns 18, which fact i didn’t realize until i got to the recital at 2pm with edward-  she put on an awesome set, which is up, or will be in a few hours at http://ericareynolds.com.

and then, a marvelous party at my cute girl zeros house, the high point of which was daniel, just in from germany, who brought a newly produced track which everyone quite enjoyed dancing to- in fact we had six or seven people speaking german, followed by a transcendental breakfast in bed, swimming, and dancing till very sweaty at the drum circle, and so on. two visitors from vienna, and a light up frisbee in the dark.

Dinner and Mozart at Esca Restaurant - July 10, 2008

Coming up very soon, this thursday, in sarasota:  Erica Reynolds will be performing at a dinner recital at esca restaurant. 7pm - includes a four course dinner, wine, and lots of mozart ;) - to reserve your seat go to http://ericareynolds.com and click on the link. Or you can just show up at the door. Please come, it’s a chance to have a great dinner at a great restaurant, be thoroughly entertained in the process, and help a  very hard working young woman pay her tuition. She got a great write up in the sarasota herald tribune last wednesday. Esca restaurant is located at 1888 main st, sarasota.

my lovers birthday

  • camping out on a throne in the middle of the audience, well hidden…
  • seeing keith keeping twinkle from falling off the high stage
  • being the only couple dancing to funky o
  • terry charming eight out of every ten women within a hundred yards
  • the gator club, the five-o, and where the hell did we end up that night?
  • arriving on englewood beach
  • what can you do with a mango?
  • and a little black dress?
  • ladies night at juniors, and yes, ladies night at juniors has it’s own myspace page
  • your first drink of the day served by the bartender at calypsos
  • the sexiest collection of white outfits on the planet gets massacred by a sprinkler system
  • breakfast - um, forgot everything except the mimosas
  • trashing the shower with a gallon of shaving cream
  • being the couple to watch in the water
  • shrimp and guitar and artichokes and big big jen
  • rock with the juju band, brick house, and five jaegermeisters
  • extracting big jen from said bar
  • nearly convincing two homophobic gator killers to take all us drunks out on a boat for a moonlight cruise - where is hunter s. thompson when you need him?
  • skinny dipping at the skinniest point of manasota key, with a dancing girl
  • what else can we say about big breasts and bathing suits?
  • being a bad host because your boyfriend just never will get enough of you
  • breakfast at five am because your boyfriend just never will get enough of you
  • a little sleep…
  • a completely over the top boyfriend lecture
  • the worlds finest hand crafted birthday cake
  • interrupting your cbz’s breathing yet again
  • you danced into your 38th year of a long and deep love affair with the universe…
  • more forever!
  • my cute girl zero rocks

party in oakland

march 8th, international womens day, party in oakland see http://muchthump.com for details ;) - uberzone and dj icon appearing.